Cold War
by KitkatTenshi
Summary: In a time of anxiousness, Alfred discovers a device that might just end the stalemate... Contains crack, OCs, and lightsabers. En Garde!


A quick note- Fae is an OC who represents the Faroe Islands, and she and Alfred butt heads on everything, exspecially since he and Ivan bother her the most.

Sibyl is another OC that represents Siberia. She's been Fae's friend since before they became nations.

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><p>Episode One- The True Cold War<p>

Ivan stood outside the UN meeting doors, wondering where the hell Alfred was. He was late, which was normal, but the Cold War was taking its toll on the Russian country and his people. The KGB could silence runners against the communist party, but for how much longer? Even Ivan himself was unsure.

Ivan desperately wanted to leave. Toris, Eduard, Ravis, and a year's supply of vodka awaited him at home. It was extremely tempting to leave the Capitalist pig, but his bosses and their supporters wanted to know what this new 'weapon' that the president had been bragging about, something more deadly than the atomic bomb.

Ivan's thoughts were interrupted by a cough, and he turned his head slightly to see Alfred. Alfred's blue eyes seemed to sparkle, looking incredibly pleased about something. Ivan could almost smell the gloating air Alfred had surrounding himself, and he looked vaguely like he was tossing money in the air, left, right, and center. Money Ivan could have used to restore his own economy.

"Afternoon, comrade Alfred." Ivan said, a small, child-like smile forming on his lips as he offered out his hand. "You are late, as expected."

Alfred nodded solemnly, ignoring the hand offered to him. "Ivan." There was an awkward pause, and then Alfred coughed again. "Well… We both know why we're here."

"Da." Ivan added, waiting patiently for Alfred to continue.

With one, quick move, Alfred pulled out something silver and flashy. Instantly, Ivan's hand shot to his pipe, but Alfred wiggled a finger. "Nu-uh-uh… I wouldn't do that if I were you…"

At first, Ivan had no idea what to make of the object in Alfred's hand. It was grey and cylindrical in shape, having the appearance of a sword handle, but no sword attached and a series of buttons on the sides. Ivan felt tempted to pull out his lead pipe from the waistband of his pants, but the sword handle filled him with a sense of unease. "And what do we have here?" Ivan asked, resting his hand lightly on his lead pipe as he watched Alfred carefully.

Alfred chuckled. "Just the end of you and your commie ways Ivan. Behold! The light saber!" Alfred grinned, twirling the handle expertly, adding dramatics to his little speech.

Ivan felt one of his eyebrows rise slowly, but when the handle remained a handle, Ivan rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Alfred, that's merely a handle. There is nothing special-"

Alfred grinned mischievously, shaking his head. "But it IS special my communist rival. For behold, the second you even attempt to pull out your lead pipe, my light saber, however ordinary it may be now, will carve your pipe to pieces. I will have my light saber to end your communist ways, but what will you have to protect yourself? Oh that's right, NOTHING!"

Ivan's mouth dropped open, and he stared in shock at the light saber as Alfred laughed manically. It took him a moment, but finally he regained his composure. "Alright then Alfred. You may have won this round…"

Alfred's grin split across his face, and he pumped the air with his fist in celebration. His celebration was short lived however, as he suddenly found himself pushed up against the wall. "However…" Ivan purred, a silky tone in his voice as he leaned in close to Alfred's face, lightly brushing his lips against Alfred's jaw line. "We are far from letting these negotiations die, da?" He whispered, a hand trailing slowly up Alfred's shirt.

Alfred shivered to the touch as he shoved the light saber back into his jacket pocket before he wrapped his arms around Ivan's neck. "Too true…" Alfred murmured back, gently tilting his head so that his lips could meet Ivan's.

It was the usual kiss that they shared, the normal sparks flying as their lips touched, but Alfred could taste the hunger in Ivan's mouth. True, it had been almost 2 months since they had last seen each other, but this was different.

Alfred didn't fit the pieces together until Ivan's thumb found its way to the waistband of his jeans, rubbing against the hard lump he found there eagerly.

Ivan pulled away from Alfred's lips, kissing his cheeks quickly, Ivan's eyelids lowered. "I want you…" He purred, his thumb dancing slowly across Alfred.

Alfred gasped slightly. "Ivan, what are you-"

He was cut off as Ivan kissed him hard, forcing his tongue into Alfred's mouth as he scooped Alfred up eagerly, practically running to the bathroom. He locked the door with proficient ease, barely pausing to break the kiss, a sadistic little grin on this face.

Alfred gasped for air as Ivan set him on his feet again, but he barely had any time to react before Ivan was kissing him again, slamming his into the wall again. Caught unawares, their tongues battled for dominance, Alfred giving no quarter as Ivan's hands drifted down his sides, coming to rest at the yank's hips.

Alfred's hands were so mixed into Ivan's hair in a desperate attempt to pull him closer, Alfred was certain he'd never get his gloves out of the tan hair. A tug on his shirt caused him break the kiss to look down, briefly distracting him. Ivan growled as Alfred broke the kiss, uneager to stop, but he smirked as Alfred let his jacket fall to the ground, allowing Ivan to pull off his shirt.

Alfred chuckled softly at the look of pleasure as he pulled off his gloves with his teeth eagerly, but it was short lived. Ivan's lips crashed onto his own again, eagerly seeking dominance.

Alfred's back crashed against the wall, causing him to gasp in shock. Ivan took the opportunity to slip his tongue in, exploring Alfred's mouth as he kicked Alfred's shirt and jacket out of the way to remove what little space there was between them.

The dreaded light saber rolled out of Alfred's bomber jacket, gently clicking across the tiles of the floor before the button on the side clicked, and the cheap plastic sword popped out of the handle, glowing slightly and making a weird 'sch-wing' and humming noise.

Alfred froze where he was pressed up against the wall, his eyes flitting from Ivan to light saber as Ivan looked incredulously at the cheap plastic. "Heh…" He said, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. "Pay no attention to the cheap, plastic light saber in the corner there…"

Ivan turned back, and Alfred couldn't help but gulp at the dangerous gleam in the purple eyes. "You may have pulled the wool over my eyes, Comrade Alfred," He whispered into Alfred's ear, sending shivers down the other's spine. "I guess I'll have to punish you…"

Alfred watched as Ivan pulled off his coat, revealing his shirtless body to the other as the heavy coat fell to the ground. Alfred took in the sight, a breathless sigh leaving his lips as he watched Ivan pull off his pants, and Alfred pulled off his glasses, throwing them over towards his bomber jacket.

Alfred got a brief glimpse of Ivan's Soviet Union Flag boxers before the other man pinned him to the wall again, kissing him so hard, he thought their lips might catch fire. He was so enamored by the kiss, he failed to notice one of the hands pinning him starting to slip downwards until his pants and boxers fell from his hips, freeing him from the confines of the cloth and exposing him to the cold air. Ivan chuckled as his hand stroked him hard, causing Alfred to let out an unheroic mewl. "You're just about ready, aren't you?"

Alfred growled slightly, tugging slightly on Ivan's boxers. "Shut up and get out of these."

Ivan chuckled as he nuzzled Alfred's neck, nipping gently at it. "Make me."

Alfred ground into Ivan, moaning softly as he felt Ivan's need through the fabric. "I think I will…" He whispered back playfully, nipping at Ivan's earlobe gently.

Ivan smirked slightly as Alfred's lips danced their way down Ivan's body, tempted to let this play out. He inhaled suddenly when he felt Alfred nuzzle his crotch, gently pulling down the fabric with his teeth, exposing the Russian man. He moaned loudly as Alfred's mouth caressed him, nipping and sucking slightly along the shaft, but refusing to give any attention to the head. It drove him mad, but when he felt Alfred smirk, knowing he had gotten the best of Ivan, it drove him over the edge. He slammed Alfred to the ground eagerly, their lips meeting again as Ivan reached for the light saber, a smirk spreading across his lips.

Alfred had barely any time to react as the light saber was suddenly plunged into him, and he gasped at the pain, his eyes widening. A slight scream escaped his lips as Ivan forced it in further, and in the back of his mind, Alfred suddenly wished he had bought the collapsible one, rather than the one that you had to push the button to get it to collapse.

Ivan groaned as Alfred's screams and gasps increased in volume, each making its way directly to his groin as he held Alfred down. He didn't bother with starting slow, he kept at a steady and fast pace as he pounded the light saber inside of Alfred, smirking dangerously as Alfred's screams started cracking from his sore throat.

Ivan groaned suddenly as something warm enclosed him, and Alfred smirked right back at him as he thumbed Ivan's slit, drawing out some pre-cum. When he lifted his thumb to his mouth and licked it clean, Ivan moaned softly, pulling the light saber out and retracting it with a click. Alfred groaned, his eyes closing as his arms found their way around Ivan's neck.

Ivan forced himself in, ignoring the blood as he savored how tight Alfred, regardless of the pounding from the light saber. His moan mixed with Alfred's as he pounded in, and Ivan felt himself getting closer to the edge. He frowned slightly, knowing Alfred would come after him, which wouldn't do at all. With a devilish smirk, he bent his head to take one of Alfred's nipples in his mouth, hitting Alfred in the prostate at the same time.

Alfred gasped, digging his fingernails into Ivan's back as he came, the combination too much for him, and Ivan also came, brought on by the feeling of Alfred's orgasm. They both laid on the tiles, listening to the sounds of the other breathe as they felt their own pulses slow.

Alfred sat up, wincing slightly before he leaned over Ivan and kissed him. "I'll have to remember the light saber next time." He whispered softly, chuckling.

Ivan kissed him back. "And the next of your hair-brained schemes." He replied, pulling Alfred onto his him for another kiss.

"AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED." Fae finished loudly, slamming her report on the table.

For a minute, no one at the UN Meeting responded, all too shocked that Fae would write such a thing and then read it.

WHAM!

Fae fell backwards, papers flying everywhere as the history book slammed into her face.

"FAE! I said write about a FACTUAL event in history! Not write fictional shit!" Ludwig roared, a bright pink blush on his cheeks.

Fae popped up from the other side of the table, clutching her nose gingerly as she checked for blood. "Ludwig, to be precise, you said to write about an event in history, and be prepared to read it at the UN meeting." Fae huffed angrily, continually checking her nose for blood by pressing a hand to her nose, pulling it away, and then repeating the process.

Everyone in the meeting was bright red, except for Sibyl, who had merely buried her head in her hands. Ludwig continued to glare at the short, blonde island nation, obviously not amused by her antics. "Still Fae! What was with that last bit there?"

Fae frowned, glancing slightly down the table. "Well, I HAD a better version, but Ivan decided to make it funny and see what would happen if he destroyed my original version."

Ludwig opened his mouth to retort, but the sound of a chair moving backwards caught his attention. Fae glanced down the line of countries, her eyes widening in shock and face draining of color as she noticed who had stood up. Ivan's lead pipe twirled slowly through the air as his eyes fixed on Fae's small form, his glare shooting daggers into her very soul.

Fae started shifting away slowly, her entire body quivering slightly. "Well look, it's your own fucking fault for destroying a perfectly good paper." She murmured, slowly making her way towards the door. "But, uh, I see this is a bad time to speak on the matter so…"

She bolted for the door the same instant Ivan threw the pipe, and she barely made it through the door as the pipe splintered through the wood. There was only silence in the room after Fae left, as no one dared speak, lest Ivan turned his anger towards them.

Finally, Arthur spoke. "Well… um… I guess there's really nothing left to say unless either one of you wants to deny any such accusations…"

Sibyl leaned down, picking up the papers Fae had left behind, as Alfred and Ivan both started yelling at the top of their lungs, denying everything. Sibyl smirked slyly as she watched both of them turned a deeper and deeper color of red, knowing that, as she glanced down at Fae's paper, that it was, indeed, factual.

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><p>Ok, I wrote this at some point last year. It was literally about a point in the Cold War when someone came up with the idea of building a large, invisible grid that would destroy all incoming missles, just in case Russia decided to bomb them without warning. However, the idea was SO preposterous, people started calling in 'Star Wars'.<p>

It didn't work and bother the Russians any.

Anyways, I wrote it while going cross country for my sister, but then wrote the last part for someone who wanted to know what they were doing.

If you catch the few refrences in there, yay! Cookie for you! ^^

Leave constructive criticism please, and thank you!


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